PRETTY women, or PETTY women?

Okay, this post isn't so much of a blame game, but rather a discussion--a discussion about women and FOR women to think about (primarily us African-American women, who are the main ones who start and deal with this crap). I'm not going to play the hypocritical role and say that I've only been a victim of what I'm about to discuss, because I know that I'm guilty of some of the same actions. My main question in what I'm about to discuss is WHY?

I've had plenty of female "friends" in my past whom never ended up lasting because of petty situations: either they always feel the need to compete with me, I don't feel good enough for them, they feel the need to take the information I've confided in them about and use it against me, they talk about me behind my back, they're sneaky and shady, etc. In fact, I can't say I know too many women in my life that weren't like this, whether they were close to me or not. It's become the reason that I tend to distance myself from other women. I don't let myself become too close to them anymore, and the end result is I don't have that many female friends. I always tell myself that I need a teammate, not a competitor, and almost every female in my life has turned on me one way or another, because they think I'm out to get them or because they have problems within themselves that they need to solve, and in turn they take it out on other people. Like Lil' Kim says in her song Heavenly Father: "They say the closest ones to ya, be the ones that sneak up behind ya and stick the knife through ya...that's why now I keep my friends to a minimum...check for the ones wit the venom on they tongue..." I know too many women agree with me on that one--it's hard to find a good female friend these days...almost harder than finding a good man.

Sometimes I feel like I've been through it all: I've had those "friends" who can't seem to decide whether they want to be friends with me or not...one day we're cool, and another day they're mad at me for some reason unknown to the world. I've had those "friends" who are only around when convenient and want to use me for all that I've got. I've had those friends who act like they're my best friend and that they're there for me when needed, taking all of my business and information in, only to turn around and use it against me later (with the addition of their own creation of LIES about me) when they feel that the "competition" is too heavy. I've had those "friends" who think the whole friendship in itself is a competition, constantly trying to prove to be one step ahead of every accomplishment I make, or that much better than everything I say or do. Looking back at all of those people (which I have ultimately had to cut from my life), I ask myself, what gave these people the right to even be considered my "friend" in the first place?

These kind of things don't only happen with "friends", but with women in general. We're all guilty of it--going into the club looking our best, and then looking every other woman that walks in the door up and down, picking apart her outfit and judging her based on what she's wearing, what she looks like, or who she's talking to. We're all guilty of talking bad about someone behind someone else's back (friend or not) for one reason or another. We're all guilty of calling another woman a "hoe" or a "slut" or a "bitch" when we don't even know them at all--we only know as much as we've heard from someone else. It's really sad, and it's neverending. No matter how much we try to better ourselves and stop ourselves from those actions, there's so much of it around us that it's almost impossible for us to not be infleunced. There is always that one person who refuses to stop the hating! Again, I'm not an angel--I'm guilty of saying dirty things about other women too, but I've made it a point to try and stop it all. It's sooo hard, but it has to start somewhere. I don't remember where I've heard it before, but one woman said it perfectly: What's the use of hating when we're all beautiful women? We should instead be complimenting each other on how good we all look and how great our accomplishments are in life.

So in the end, I ask, why do these things happen? Why do us women let it continue to happen when we're doing nothing but hurting ourselves and others? Why can't we learn to grow up and handle things like mature people, learn to get along with one another, and see each individual women (including ourselves) as beautiful and blessed, without stepping all over others to acheive that vision? Why can't we all just get along?