Family Ties

We've all heard it before when it comes to men--the way they treat their mother is the way they will treat every other woman in their life. The way they were raised is the way that they will live and raise their offspring...or is it? At what point can we tell the difference between the way a man was raised and a man's true personality? Can we really blame the ugly part of a man's ways on his past?

For example, I know this guy that hasn't exactly had a good relationship with his mother while growing up. In fact, they still don't have the greatest relationship. You would never think that they were mother/son. No family love shows between them, and the communication level between them is horrid--there is hardly any respect. Wait, let me take that back--there is NO respect. She doesn't act like a mother at all, doing all the motherly things that most of us are used to, and he clearly doesn't know his place as a son. Because of this, the way this guy talks to and treats the women he's dating in his life is enough to make anyone question where his home training is. He is unappreciative of anything his women do for him, talks down to them like he's talking to a child, turns simple favor requests into demands, feels that the world revolves around him and that the woman and her feelings are irrelevant, and has unreal expectations to include dropping everything to learn how to cook for him, acting a certain way, looking a certain way, and keeping her mouth shut when it comes to speaking her mind.

Now any woman in her right mind would leave this man and kick him to the curb--there is no way she is going to sit there and let a man disrespect her like that. But this is where the question "Is it really his fault?" comes in. Can we really blame him for his rude ways when he was never brought up to exercise that respect? Is it his fault that no one ever taught him how to treat a woman, talk to her, or respect her feelings? Is it his fault that his own mother lets him talk to her any way he wants, thus teaching him that it is OKAY to talk down on women and disregard anything she does or says?

This guy I know is a smart guy. He has done everything he could to turn around the errors his family has made in raising him and to make a difference in his own life. He has made many accomplishments on his own, without the help of his family. If he was so motivated to do those things right, why isn't he motivated to change his ways when it comes to women? Is it because he simply doesn't know, or because he simply doesn't care?

In the end I ask, when it comes to a man like that, what should the women in his life who care about him do? Should they attempt to take on the motherly role in their life and stay around, trying to correct his mistakes in the way he talks to and treat them? Or should they leave him alone and let him constantly push away other women until he realizes what he's doing wrong and should change? Are women setting themselves up to be walked all over by sticking around, or are they giving up on him by disregarding what his past has embedded into him?