I Wish I Could Be Your Friend (freewrite)

I wish I could be your friend
I wish I could listen to the stories you tell me about her
...how she makes you happy
...how she makes you sad
...how she's everything you've ever wanted in a woman
But every time I try, I feel the pain of knowing that "she" isn't me

I force a smile...I try to be happy for you
Yet every time I think of you with her, I feel nothing but resentment
I struggle to hold back tears...I try to forget you
But the more I try to forget, the more I remember all the times we shared
...the times you made me laugh, the times you made me cry...
The times that the only thing I could manage to say was "Damn"

I wish I could be your friend
I wish I had the ability to share a platonic love
...to talk to you without wanting to see you
...to see you without wanting to kiss and hug you
...to hug you without wanting to lay next to you
But every time I try, I think about what we once had and how good you once had me feeling

Sometimes I feel as though I'm okay with it all
I feel as though I'm finally ready to let go and move on with my life
"You go back to her and I'll go back to black" as Amy Winehouse once said
But then there's always something to remind me of you...of me and you
...the times we spent together, the conversations we had...
The nights I would lay next to you, running my fingers across your skin

I wish I could be your friend
I wish I could continue to stand by your side
...look into your eyes without getting lost
...hear your voice without getting butterflies
...touch your skin without getting nostalgia
But every time I see you, my feelings rush back faster than she turned your head back in her direction

More than friends we were, but not quite...or maybe not at all
You were here one day but gone the next...changed without warning
My heart still stings from the hurtful things you said as soon as she came back
But then I begin to think about the things you said when it was just me
...you had me fooled, had me feeling like you really cared...
You've stolen my heart...captivated my mind-- and I'm having trouble letting go

I wish I could be your friend
I wish I could tell you that I'll be here for you no matter what
...if you ever need anything, I'll be here
...if you ever need to talk, I'll be here
...if she ever does you wrong or leaves you, I'll be here
But I can't be your friend, because it hurts too bad to know I'd be just that: a friend...