Growing Up

The other day I was having a conversation with my beau, who had brought up his concerns that our 7-year age difference would be the downfall of us. He mentioned that he was afraid that the fact that I was only 23 meant that I would still be into the clubbing and dating different guys, thus becoming uninterested in him in only a matter of time. While I begged to differ and explained that I was at the point where I was sick of the clubbing and just wanted to settle and prepare for my future focusing on my career and beginning a family, the subject made me think about my level of maturity, where I currently stood, and where those my age should be standing when it comes to maturity.

Ever since I've known, I've always been complimented on my maturity level and ability to hold in-depth conversations with those much older than myself. Back in high school, I had many friends 2-3 years older than me. In fact, I remember a few seniors telling me during my freshman year, "Kim, you're the most mature freshman I've ever met." Many people have guessed my age incorrectly, thinking I was much older. While I laughed it off thinking it was that I looked old, each and every one of those people assured me that it was because of my conversation and the way that I carried myself that made me seem older, and then continued to say that most people my age "are very immature and don't have their heads on straight". I take it as a compliment of course, but then I wonder why older people assume that us 20-somethings are all so immature, and what makes some of us different.

Moving on from my personal experiences for a moment, I've really began to notice that there are so many different maturity levels among those of us in the same age group. Yes, of course us women are naturally inclined to be more mature than men, but on a more general note, why is it that some of us are still into hitting every club in the city every other night, and some of us would much rather just relax at home and watch a movie with our friends? Why is it that some of us would rather travel out of town to a party scene instead of traveling somewhere for simple relaxation and pleasure? Why is that some of us are more focused on our education and career while others are more focused on their social lives? Why is it that some of us would much rather sit down and have an educated conversation with someone and others would much rather talk about clothes, money, men/women, and sex?

The prior has really made me realize the difference between myself and some of my friends lately. Yes, I like to go out to the clubs here and there, but you'd more than likely find me in a bar/lounge where I can meet other professionals and have a decent conversation about our careers, life issues, political issues, etc. Yes, I love to meet men, but I'd much rather meet and date an older man who has his life together, has a real JOB (not some part-time excuse to make money), and has more on his mind than just getting in my (or some other girl's) pants. Yes, I love to travel to sites where I can party (I will ALWAYS love South Beach), but I'd much rather go somewhere that is unlike any experience and will expand my mind, like to New York to see a play on Broadway, or to a foreign country to enjoy the quiet scenery and explore another culture. Unfortunately for me, I have very few friends who have the same feel the same way as me, which makes me wonder why they haven't grown up yet, and when they will do so, so that we can enjoy those things together.

So what's to contribute to the differences in maturity level? I've had this discussion with both friends and family members and we've all come to a couple of the same conclusions: For one, majority of those with OCS (Only Child Syndrome) tend to be more immature than those who have siblings (especially older ones) since they've never had to be independent and do anything for themselves. Those who were forced to grow up early in one way or another tend to have an increased level of maturity-- I know a girl who is about the same age as I who is married with two kids, and has the maturity level of someone 10 years older. But then there are those who just happen to be more mature. I guess the real question is, is maturity something we are born with to naturally develop after we hit a certain age, or something that is learned through our environment? When is it the right time to "grow up"?