When It's All Said and Done...

He's everything to you...when you meet him, he sweeps you off of your feet. He tells you want you want to hear, gives you that feeling you've been longing to feel for so long. When he touches you, your heart melts. You have your bad days...maybe a disagreement here and there, but its never anything serious. You quickly get over it, and you're right back to where you were, wondering if he could be "the one".

Over time, you notice that things start to take a change. The constant inflow of happiness starts to fade. The kissing and hugging stops. The sproadic disagreements turn into frequent arguments. The trust you thought you had for each other starts to disappear. The feeling of warmth you once felt in his touch turns to coldness. The sweet things he once used to tell you turn into degrading insults and disrespectful comments. The smiles and laughter turn to tears and insecurity. Is it something you did? Is is something you said? Is it you at all?

He comes in and out of your life, sending you on an emotional rollercoaster. One day he's there, making you feel like you're on top of the world, the next day he's not, and you feel like the world is on your shoulders. Part of you wants to go, another part of you makes you stay. You choose to hold on, despite your efforts to leave. You hear your friends and family screaming at you in the distance to let it go...to walk away before you get too caught up--but their words are blurred by the love you have for him. You know you can make it work somehow...they don't know what they're talking about.

Just as soon as you think the problems are solved and that things are starting to go the way they should have been from the start, things get a little rocky again. You don't understand why things are once again taking turn for the worst, when you've made it clear to him just how much you love him and how you're willing to do what you have to do to make things work. You don't understand why he sometimes acts like he doesn't want you there, but yet refuses to let you go. You don't know much of anything anymore--your mind has become consumed with trying to make him happy, even if it makes you unhappy.

One day he breaks the news to you, and nothing could have prepared your heart for what you were about to hear--he had met someone else. You and him could no longer be, because him and her were getting serious. You hold onto your pride--you don't let it get to you, and you don't cry. You tell him that it's okay, because you know he'll be back when he realizes his mistake. But as time passes, and as the thought of him being with her instead of you starts to sink in, you slowly start to lose it. Not now...not you. He can't leave you like this! How can he do this to you? How can he up and leave when just a couple of weeks ago he was intimate with you, kissing you and holding you close? How could you let this happen? WHY is this happening? You find yourself begging for an explanation, hoping that somewhere along the way he will tell you that it was just a joke, and that he really wants no one but you. Instead, he tells you that it's because of her that he can't be with you. He tells you that he wants you to keep you around; that he wants to be friends, but you know that it's impossible--just the thought of being only a friend in his mind, when he's so much more to you, hurts. You immediately start comparing yourself to this mystery girl, wondering why she's everything that you're not. The pain in your heart finds itself a permanent home, and slowly starts to eat away at the love for yourself that you're desperately trying to hold onto...

As you try to prevent yourself from going crazy over the feeling of not being good enough, you tell yourself that it will never happen again--that you will not let another man walk out on you, leaving you in the cold to suffer alone. You will not let someone who hardly knows him come along and take from you what you've worked so hard at. You will not let your love for him go to waste. You try to put up a fight to keep him, but the struggle turns frantic, causing you to do and say things you have never done before. You notice that you are digging yourself into a deeper hole--the more you try to grab, the more he slips out of your reach. As you feel the control of your own life slip from the grip of your fingers, your strength to handle and live your life plummets. You cry out to friends, family, and God for help, but no one seems to hear you. Eventually the feeling takes control...takes what little is left of you and burns it. This can't be happening to you again...why you? You're convinced that life isn't worth it. You don't deserve the pain and the tears...you don't deserve to live. You've got to end it now, so you get in your car and take that drive, hoping never to return...

But just as you reach that breaking point, you get that phone call from the one who still loves you, and will never stop loving you, despite the fact that you've been broken up for months. You get that phone call from that family member, who comforts you and says all the right things to make you realize that you and your life is worth it, and that you are not the only woman that will deal with the pain of losing him. You get that touch from God--He catches you before you fall and lifts the burdening pain from your heart.

You realize that it's not as bad as you think. Life will involve many heartaches, some worse than others. This is not the first time that it has happened, nor is it the last. You have two choices--use the experience to learn and grow stronger, or continue making the same mistake. You ARE beautiful, you ARE worth loving, and there ARE people who love you and are willing to accept everything about you. The beautiful God-given life IS worth living--every single moment of it. On top of that, LIFE GOES ON.

When it's all said and done, you're still alive the next day. You're still a little hurt, but you know that the pain won't last forever...it will soon pass. Instead, you look forward to the next love, because no matter what the outcome, it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.