Once a cheater, always a cheater...
"People tell you who they are all the time. When a man says he can't be monogamous, you should believe him." --He's Just Not That Into You (Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo)
I don't even know where to start with this or how to end it--it's a subject that can easily go in many different directions. I'm just going to try and speak what's on my mind without writing a book...
They say that once a cheater, always a cheater. However, is this really true? I've cheated a couple of times before; however, I don't think for one second that I'll never be able to be monogamous again. I mean, there comes a time where we all have to grow up and learn to settle down with one person. If we feel that our interest in that person is being steered in another direction, we have to be mature enough to go to that person, talk to them, and end things before that nasty "cheating" thing even becomes an issue.
A guy a know once told me that 99% of men cheat, whether they admit to it or not. Whether this is true or not, I don't know (but I hope to God that its not). What's funny is, it's these same guys that call "his woman" every name in the book if she even LOOKS at another man the wrong way...but that's another story. I've never been cheated on before (at least not that I know of); however, I have had someone I was very much into tell me that he couldn't pursue a relationship with me because he knew that in the long run, he would most likely wind up cheating, and he didn't want to hurt me (as if it didn't hurt enough just hearing that and dealing with the constant paranoia that he could have possibly been with someone else when he wasn't with me.) However, once you have a person at a certain point where they're already attached to you and are used to you always being there with them and doing all the boyfriend/girlfriend things, would it really make a difference whether you were officially committed with a title to that person or not? The fact is, you left them for another person--the knife still cuts just as deep.
Although I've been guilty of the crime (as well as been guilty of being "the other girl"), I really don't see why people resort to cheating in the first place. If you're not getting what you need out of your current relationship, or if you find yourself with temptations, what's so hard about being straightforward with your current partner (whom is currently giving you their all and remaining completely loyal) and letting them know off the top that you're going to need a little space to prevent any damage from being done? And for those that consider themselves so "honest" for letting someone know up front that they can't be faithful, how can you be so quick to claim such a thing when you haven't even given yourself a chance to open up to that person and pursue something that could possibly change your old ways? Yes, it is possible for one person to come into your life and change your views about every other person you have dealt with, or every person you may have had temptations with (ask my ex, whom I still regret messing up with to this day...YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT UNTIL IT'S GONE). I must say that's where the contradiction plays its part, at least as far as I'm concerned--when a guy tells me he can't be with me because he doesn't want to cheat, I get upset that he didn't at least give things a chance...but I know that if we did get together and he did end up cheating, I'd be sick to my stomach, asking him why he even agreed to be in a relationship in the first place if he knew he couldn't be faithful. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Overall, cheating and the thought of being cheated can easily turn into an emotional warzone.
But come on now, when are us so-called "adults" going to learn to act like adults and settle down? Not only are people's feelings on the line, but this day in time you have to worry about things like sexually transmitted infections, HIV, and all that nasty shit. Not saying you have to marry every person you decide to date, but at least spare that person (and yourself) some pain and stay with that one person until the relationship has run its course.
I know most everyone reading this has been in one place or another (been the cheater or have been cheated on), so please leave your thoughts and comments...
I don't even know where to start with this or how to end it--it's a subject that can easily go in many different directions. I'm just going to try and speak what's on my mind without writing a book...
They say that once a cheater, always a cheater. However, is this really true? I've cheated a couple of times before; however, I don't think for one second that I'll never be able to be monogamous again. I mean, there comes a time where we all have to grow up and learn to settle down with one person. If we feel that our interest in that person is being steered in another direction, we have to be mature enough to go to that person, talk to them, and end things before that nasty "cheating" thing even becomes an issue.
A guy a know once told me that 99% of men cheat, whether they admit to it or not. Whether this is true or not, I don't know (but I hope to God that its not). What's funny is, it's these same guys that call "his woman" every name in the book if she even LOOKS at another man the wrong way...but that's another story. I've never been cheated on before (at least not that I know of); however, I have had someone I was very much into tell me that he couldn't pursue a relationship with me because he knew that in the long run, he would most likely wind up cheating, and he didn't want to hurt me (as if it didn't hurt enough just hearing that and dealing with the constant paranoia that he could have possibly been with someone else when he wasn't with me.) However, once you have a person at a certain point where they're already attached to you and are used to you always being there with them and doing all the boyfriend/girlfriend things, would it really make a difference whether you were officially committed with a title to that person or not? The fact is, you left them for another person--the knife still cuts just as deep.
Although I've been guilty of the crime (as well as been guilty of being "the other girl"), I really don't see why people resort to cheating in the first place. If you're not getting what you need out of your current relationship, or if you find yourself with temptations, what's so hard about being straightforward with your current partner (whom is currently giving you their all and remaining completely loyal) and letting them know off the top that you're going to need a little space to prevent any damage from being done? And for those that consider themselves so "honest" for letting someone know up front that they can't be faithful, how can you be so quick to claim such a thing when you haven't even given yourself a chance to open up to that person and pursue something that could possibly change your old ways? Yes, it is possible for one person to come into your life and change your views about every other person you have dealt with, or every person you may have had temptations with (ask my ex, whom I still regret messing up with to this day...YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT UNTIL IT'S GONE). I must say that's where the contradiction plays its part, at least as far as I'm concerned--when a guy tells me he can't be with me because he doesn't want to cheat, I get upset that he didn't at least give things a chance...but I know that if we did get together and he did end up cheating, I'd be sick to my stomach, asking him why he even agreed to be in a relationship in the first place if he knew he couldn't be faithful. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Overall, cheating and the thought of being cheated can easily turn into an emotional warzone.
But come on now, when are us so-called "adults" going to learn to act like adults and settle down? Not only are people's feelings on the line, but this day in time you have to worry about things like sexually transmitted infections, HIV, and all that nasty shit. Not saying you have to marry every person you decide to date, but at least spare that person (and yourself) some pain and stay with that one person until the relationship has run its course.
I know most everyone reading this has been in one place or another (been the cheater or have been cheated on), so please leave your thoughts and comments...
posted by Kimmie91783 @ 11:54 PM
2 Comments:
At 2:31 AM,
~*~Shirlie Girlie~*~ said…
Hey Miss Kimmie,
Girl, you know I'm ya numba one fan! HAHA
But naw, fa real though, I am feelin' ya post; especially the part that you said about guys letting females know up front that they can not be in a monogamous relationship. We as females need to take that honestly for what it's worth. It may not be what we want to hear at that point in time simply because we are soooo "in love" with the guy. As I have told my boyfriend time and time again, if he is going to go astray, he MUST tell me no matter how much it would hurt me. It would hurt me more to be in a false relationship, continuously be disrespected with dishonestly, as well as being lied to.
Relationships, nowadays, are not what they are cracked up to be as a whole. The divorce rates have gone through the roof. Nowadays fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, and to me that is a damn shame. People as a whole just don't love each other like they used to: wholeheartedly. They continue to play with each other's emotions like the $#it is cool when it is really COLD.
I am happy enough to have found 'love' but how long with this 'love' last...I don't know; only God does.
Shirlie Girlie
At 12:12 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dang Homie, you called me out…… so you know I have to respond to your post. :)
Cheating is a serious subject in many relationships; your post is right on point. It has always been a mystery to me as to why people can't just tell the truth, and shame the devil. If you are not happy let a sister (or brother) know. It takes a lot to be able to admit that, and a lot of people are not grown up enough to say how they feel.
As for guys that say this up front...... wow I don't even know what to say about that. I guess I could look at it as, at least he is letting me know, but I am not one to applaud trifling behavior. What the hell is in you that you have to be with multiple women.....? Boooo that.
The overall quality of men is really decreasing if someone like that can in any way be appreciated. That is a shame, but I guess a topic for another post.......
Back to cheaters....just because someone used to be a cheater, does not mean they will ever do it again, BUT, I really do feel that actions like these are a function of someone's character, which is hard to change. So the person may not do it again but likely hood is that they would, so it is probably best to stay away from people like. There is no need to look for trouble; almost half the world is men. You can and will get another one!
But what bothers me even more then cheating boys is the girls they cheat with (the ones that know they got girlfriends). I want to know why my ladies do such an awful thing to each other like that. Do you like being second string.... the one nobody knows about... the late night booty call? Does that really make you feel better? I would think a woman would like to be the girl his momma knows and the one that gets the Valentines and stuff like that. What does the other woman get out of this kind of relationship?
oh well, all I can do is pray that this never happens to me, and, more importantly that I never feel the need to be the other woman, because in the end it is not about what somebody did to me, it is about my actions. That is the only thing that can be controlled. A man’s inability to be a good person is his problem. And, I suggest that you(the reader) should not let it become yours.
Miss Jones
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