I Wish I Could Be Your Friend (freewrite)

I wish I could be your friend
I wish I could listen to the stories you tell me about her
...how she makes you happy
...how she makes you sad
...how she's everything you've ever wanted in a woman
But every time I try, I feel the pain of knowing that "she" isn't me

I force a smile...I try to be happy for you
Yet every time I think of you with her, I feel nothing but resentment
I struggle to hold back tears...I try to forget you
But the more I try to forget, the more I remember all the times we shared
...the times you made me laugh, the times you made me cry...
The times that the only thing I could manage to say was "Damn"

I wish I could be your friend
I wish I had the ability to share a platonic love
...to talk to you without wanting to see you
...to see you without wanting to kiss and hug you
...to hug you without wanting to lay next to you
But every time I try, I think about what we once had and how good you once had me feeling

Sometimes I feel as though I'm okay with it all
I feel as though I'm finally ready to let go and move on with my life
"You go back to her and I'll go back to black" as Amy Winehouse once said
But then there's always something to remind me of you...of me and you
...the times we spent together, the conversations we had...
The nights I would lay next to you, running my fingers across your skin

I wish I could be your friend
I wish I could continue to stand by your side
...look into your eyes without getting lost
...hear your voice without getting butterflies
...touch your skin without getting nostalgia
But every time I see you, my feelings rush back faster than she turned your head back in her direction

More than friends we were, but not quite...or maybe not at all
You were here one day but gone the next...changed without warning
My heart still stings from the hurtful things you said as soon as she came back
But then I begin to think about the things you said when it was just me
...you had me fooled, had me feeling like you really cared...
You've stolen my heart...captivated my mind-- and I'm having trouble letting go

I wish I could be your friend
I wish I could tell you that I'll be here for you no matter what
...if you ever need anything, I'll be here
...if you ever need to talk, I'll be here
...if she ever does you wrong or leaves you, I'll be here
But I can't be your friend, because it hurts too bad to know I'd be just that: a friend...

Birds of a Feather Flock Together

We've always been told to "watch the company you keep, because it will ultimately affect the person we become". When we were young, our parents would try to keep us away from certain friends because they were "bad influences". We didn't quite understand it then, but as we grew older, we began to see that people would judge our character based on the actions of those that we kept closest to us.

There was a time that I didn't believe in the statement that "birds of a feather flock together" and that what those around me did had nothing to do with me. To a certain extent I still believe this statement, because we are in fact responsible for our own actions. However, I know that we ARE directly influenced by our environment, and that if constantly exposed to a situation or certain actions, eventually we will begin to unconsciously put ourselves into the same situations and make the same actions.

I can admit that I've seen the above in my own life-- in both high school and in college (and even so far back as middle school), I've had people accuse me of certain actions that were completely untrue, but yet they believed so because of the friends that I kept around me who had made those actions. I've gotten myself into certain unfavorable situations because I was influenced and/or encouraged by those who I kept around me. Now I'm not placing all of the blame on those individuals because like I said, at the end of the day I am responsible for my own actions, but the truth stands that if I had initially surrounded myself by more positive individuals, I likely would not have been exposed to those situations in the first place. With this being said, I now I make it a point to try and keep only those friends who possess the qualities that I want within myself-- positive attitude, respectful of oneself and others, focused on success, etc.

Our reputation is the most important thing we possess-- it affects what people think of us, and ultimately the person that we become. So if part of acheiving a favorable reputation is to watch the company you keep, how exactly do we rid oneself of those "friends" who are negative influences? I asked a friend of mine this question and his response was, "slow, but deliberate"-- but what about those friends who have been there for years, who have helped us through both the good and bad times? How do we just cut someone off and remove them from our lives for the sake of our own reputation?