Once a cheater, always a cheater...
"People tell you who they are all the time. When a man says he can't be monogamous, you should believe him." --He's Just Not That Into You (Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo)
I don't even know where to start with this or how to end it--it's a subject that can easily go in many different directions. I'm just going to try and speak what's on my mind without writing a book...
They say that once a cheater, always a cheater. However, is this really true? I've cheated a couple of times before; however, I don't think for one second that I'll never be able to be monogamous again. I mean, there comes a time where we all have to grow up and learn to settle down with one person. If we feel that our interest in that person is being steered in another direction, we have to be mature enough to go to that person, talk to them, and end things before that nasty "cheating" thing even becomes an issue.
A guy a know once told me that 99% of men cheat, whether they admit to it or not. Whether this is true or not, I don't know (but I hope to God that its not). What's funny is, it's these same guys that call "his woman" every name in the book if she even LOOKS at another man the wrong way...but that's another story. I've never been cheated on before (at least not that I know of); however, I have had someone I was very much into tell me that he couldn't pursue a relationship with me because he knew that in the long run, he would most likely wind up cheating, and he didn't want to hurt me (as if it didn't hurt enough just hearing that and dealing with the constant paranoia that he could have possibly been with someone else when he wasn't with me.) However, once you have a person at a certain point where they're already attached to you and are used to you always being there with them and doing all the boyfriend/girlfriend things, would it really make a difference whether you were officially committed with a title to that person or not? The fact is, you left them for another person--the knife still cuts just as deep.
Although I've been guilty of the crime (as well as been guilty of being "the other girl"), I really don't see why people resort to cheating in the first place. If you're not getting what you need out of your current relationship, or if you find yourself with temptations, what's so hard about being straightforward with your current partner (whom is currently giving you their all and remaining completely loyal) and letting them know off the top that you're going to need a little space to prevent any damage from being done? And for those that consider themselves so "honest" for letting someone know up front that they can't be faithful, how can you be so quick to claim such a thing when you haven't even given yourself a chance to open up to that person and pursue something that could possibly change your old ways? Yes, it is possible for one person to come into your life and change your views about every other person you have dealt with, or every person you may have had temptations with (ask my ex, whom I still regret messing up with to this day...YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT UNTIL IT'S GONE). I must say that's where the contradiction plays its part, at least as far as I'm concerned--when a guy tells me he can't be with me because he doesn't want to cheat, I get upset that he didn't at least give things a chance...but I know that if we did get together and he did end up cheating, I'd be sick to my stomach, asking him why he even agreed to be in a relationship in the first place if he knew he couldn't be faithful. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Overall, cheating and the thought of being cheated can easily turn into an emotional warzone.
But come on now, when are us so-called "adults" going to learn to act like adults and settle down? Not only are people's feelings on the line, but this day in time you have to worry about things like sexually transmitted infections, HIV, and all that nasty shit. Not saying you have to marry every person you decide to date, but at least spare that person (and yourself) some pain and stay with that one person until the relationship has run its course.
I know most everyone reading this has been in one place or another (been the cheater or have been cheated on), so please leave your thoughts and comments...
I don't even know where to start with this or how to end it--it's a subject that can easily go in many different directions. I'm just going to try and speak what's on my mind without writing a book...
They say that once a cheater, always a cheater. However, is this really true? I've cheated a couple of times before; however, I don't think for one second that I'll never be able to be monogamous again. I mean, there comes a time where we all have to grow up and learn to settle down with one person. If we feel that our interest in that person is being steered in another direction, we have to be mature enough to go to that person, talk to them, and end things before that nasty "cheating" thing even becomes an issue.
A guy a know once told me that 99% of men cheat, whether they admit to it or not. Whether this is true or not, I don't know (but I hope to God that its not). What's funny is, it's these same guys that call "his woman" every name in the book if she even LOOKS at another man the wrong way...but that's another story. I've never been cheated on before (at least not that I know of); however, I have had someone I was very much into tell me that he couldn't pursue a relationship with me because he knew that in the long run, he would most likely wind up cheating, and he didn't want to hurt me (as if it didn't hurt enough just hearing that and dealing with the constant paranoia that he could have possibly been with someone else when he wasn't with me.) However, once you have a person at a certain point where they're already attached to you and are used to you always being there with them and doing all the boyfriend/girlfriend things, would it really make a difference whether you were officially committed with a title to that person or not? The fact is, you left them for another person--the knife still cuts just as deep.
Although I've been guilty of the crime (as well as been guilty of being "the other girl"), I really don't see why people resort to cheating in the first place. If you're not getting what you need out of your current relationship, or if you find yourself with temptations, what's so hard about being straightforward with your current partner (whom is currently giving you their all and remaining completely loyal) and letting them know off the top that you're going to need a little space to prevent any damage from being done? And for those that consider themselves so "honest" for letting someone know up front that they can't be faithful, how can you be so quick to claim such a thing when you haven't even given yourself a chance to open up to that person and pursue something that could possibly change your old ways? Yes, it is possible for one person to come into your life and change your views about every other person you have dealt with, or every person you may have had temptations with (ask my ex, whom I still regret messing up with to this day...YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT UNTIL IT'S GONE). I must say that's where the contradiction plays its part, at least as far as I'm concerned--when a guy tells me he can't be with me because he doesn't want to cheat, I get upset that he didn't at least give things a chance...but I know that if we did get together and he did end up cheating, I'd be sick to my stomach, asking him why he even agreed to be in a relationship in the first place if he knew he couldn't be faithful. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Overall, cheating and the thought of being cheated can easily turn into an emotional warzone.
But come on now, when are us so-called "adults" going to learn to act like adults and settle down? Not only are people's feelings on the line, but this day in time you have to worry about things like sexually transmitted infections, HIV, and all that nasty shit. Not saying you have to marry every person you decide to date, but at least spare that person (and yourself) some pain and stay with that one person until the relationship has run its course.
I know most everyone reading this has been in one place or another (been the cheater or have been cheated on), so please leave your thoughts and comments...
posted by Kimmie91783 @ 11:54 PM
2 comments
